thoughts for today.

Recently I was listening to a sermon by Todd Nighswonger (click here for a link to his church's podcasts http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cornerstone-simi-audio-podcast/id74283811 ) that really made me think about an issue in my life. He was talking about how people want to get caught up in the

                                       "ADVENTURE"
              
of Christian living, rather than living in what God actually wants them to do. Now I'm not trying to say that life with God is adventurous cause it is, but I know, especially for me, that it is so easy to get caught up in the exciting missionary "I'm gonna save the world" mode. My whole life I've wanted to make a difference and be somebody, so as soon as I graduated high school I went out in search of the illusive perfect mission or lifestyle. Only to come to realize that the real me came along with wherever I went. No matter where I've gone it has felt like somehow something hasn't lived up to my wonderful expectations. And that something was me. I'm not perfect and I definitely do not have everything figured out and the more I am on my own I realize that the Holly I thought I was really isn't the Holly living at 53-01 97th Street. For so long I've pursued the "adventure" and not the Person I was on the adventure for. But I want that to change! So I have 3 months left up here in the city and to be perfectly honest somedays I just want to go home. I'm not the brave, bubbly, outgoing person I'd like you to think I am. But I want to use these next 3 months to do one thing and one thing only. Bring glory to Jesus' name. Even if life up here isn't perfect (which it isn't, trust me) and even though I'm definitely not perfect, God can still use me. So everyone please listen up. Just because you don't think you are on some great "adventure" for God doesn't mean that you aren't where you are supposed to be. And don't think for a moment that those on the so called adventure are any more holy or righteous than you are! Cause trust me, they aren't. And with that folks I want to encourage you to go out and live life. Live life like you would if you were on the mission field. Don't hold anything back.

alone.

What do you picture when you see that word? Do you think of a hermit in the mountains of Virginia? Or perhaps you think of an 86 yr old widower at a nursing home. Most likely the last thing you would think of is a 20 yr old girl, who usually has no problem talking to people, in the midst of a hustling and bustling city like NYC. But here I am surrounded by people and what do I feel?

Alone.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not writing this because I want you all to feel sorry for me. In fact I know some wonderful people up here! It's just I miss "my" friends. I feel dumb for even admitting that fact. Other people give up WAY more than I have and are completely happy with were they are in life, grateful even. So in order to try and get myself out of this funk of wishing I was somewhere else I'm going to list all the things I have gotten to experience because I've been in NYC instead of out making money somewhere.
-the smile of the children I teach Sunday school
-countless subway rides
-walking by people and smiling at them as I go to the grocery store
-trying different ethnic foods
-praying with my fellow workers in Christ
-reading the Bible and laughing hysterically at a verse
-calling home and talking to my parents about what I've been doing, and knowing that they are proud of me
-cooking for an amazing group of people during LTO
-Pier 17 at midnight
-realizing that I have something to offer the people around me
This is definitely not an exhaustive list but its already helped to improve my mood! :) Anyway to anyone out there that understands what I'm going through, how have you coped? Have you found anything that helps make the loneliness go away? If you have found anything that helps I would love to hear about it!